Of the blaring similarities observable between thoughts and behaviours designated from my inner voices to my outward actions … and that of diagnostic hallmarks of certain illnesses in the DSM; traits and conditions specifically tailored to identity certain patterns…. specifically that of Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar, Dissociative Amnesia, DID & various characteristics that suggest a position along the autism spectrum.
This answer seems to offer a rather simplified, precise overview that should suffice to give some brief insight/understanding… in no way does it justify any inexcusable behaviour but perhaps it would let you realise that it is not as personal as you may think.
I’m once again on the edge of/falling into an episode, but I like to think that I am more aware and prepared for it this time… nonetheless I will be trying to maintain a less absolute view on whatever issues that may arise, and actively readjust and hopefully maintain a less extreme and distorted perspective.
Things may become quite very unstable from here onwards but I am doing what I can to remain introspective, perceptive, and aware – most importantly I am doing what I can to remain present despite all opposing compulsions to allowing my friend, dissociation, to once again take over.