Archived blog
In lieu of the long overdue and owed pile of content held back by indecisiveness… I have decided to “release” raw unadulterated previews of the albums that have piled up – whilst I hastily execute the decision to segregate the nsfw alter ego from the pseudo writer and once again abandon the unrealistic yearning for […]
Nudes. Sex. Porn. Free. These words easily grab our attention, don’t they? You probably figured out by now. I lied. I’m sorry. I’ve been AWOL in terms of media and I truly did not do this on purpose – I have been (as you probably figured out too) “dealing” with issues. (Again. Yeah. I’m tired of […]
It is liberating to be able to cry unconfined by judgement, scrutiny or empathy. It should be encouraged; for one to be truly in touch with them-self. To be not only in touch with subconscious desires, thoughts and drives – but also emotions. To be able & willing to acknowledge them ; to be consciously […]
Sorry for the impromptu inactivity, instead of weaning off my medication I had (foolishly) decided to go cold turkey (again). Needless to say, that was a bad idea. I’m beginning to wonder if this was the cause of all of this, considering the timing, intensity and nature of my struggles which can actually be explained […]
Another year. Birthdays. Fucking hate them.
DISCLAIMER: This image is a means of expression and is NOT an accurate, realistic or healthy portrayal of human anatomy. Please see the end of the post for the before/after. I DO NOT promote or advocate unhealthy body images, and have gained much weight since then. I’m sorry if you were upset by the images […]
I have a profound sense of admiration for women who can express their sexuality and individuality with class and personality – like @devilette, @nymphae.uk, @yusara_circus and @creepyyeha amongst countless others. They possess what I hopelessly yet ambivalently long and strive for, and much more. Of these 10 years, what little recollection that I have of […]
02:53-04:09 Entry 1 02:53-04:09 Entry 1 — Read on obsoulette.wordpress.com/2019/02/27/entry1/ I just found this “manuscript” on a site under the name obsoulette. I dare not read it. As of right now I’m trembling, frozen in place. They are shouting, yet there are no words. Shut up. Please. I beg you. Shut up.
I’ve been “ejected”. From my “body”. Even as “I” am typing this. It startled me. Frightens me. Hell I’m fucking terrified. I remember there was a time when this feeling when comforting. When it was the norm, my “default”. But now, it is no longer a comfortable blasé or nonchalant detachment – it is a […]
I will be 23. That’s proposterous. How can one be a number. I’ll be 23 years of age, as in I would’ve breath and suffocated in the toxic atmosphere of society for 23 years of 365.25 days, a little under 8401 days. When you put it that way, it doesn’t seem long at all. If […]
Own up to your choices Own up to your decisions Stop using others as a reason for your decisions Your intentions are yours and yours alone. – 13:24 | 08. 03. 2019 – I buy you food because I like seeing you satisfied after a good meal and it makes me feel happy knowing I […]
March 7, 2019 I’m grateful for the stash of instant noodles in my cupboards and the luxury of having a roof over my head with heat, electricity and Internet access – but apart from this all else is falling apart. I am struggling to maintain my fading grasp on will and consciousness. As of recently […]
Please, don’t message me with any of the following: “How are you?” “How have you been?” “Are you feeling better?” I know you mean well, and I appreciate it, but please understand that I value honesty and integrity, in the name of respect for you and for me. When you ask such things you are […]
visualise my life contained in a series of layers in time, like a Russian doll; each layer marking a point in my life where a particular feeling was very strong, such as an experience of family loss, betrayal or feeling alone. The layers go deeper, backwards in time until finally at the point of birth where […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
06:02. Thank you – be it an accident that landed you here, mm, patron, bentbox, or gossip. I’m not okay. But that’s ok. I’m willing to admit it, not only to myself but out loud I’m trying to make myself do ”what should be done” instead of stubbornly sticking to my resolve and determination of […]
#nobb no more babying #nobb no more bullshit I know it’s difficult but she’s your mother. She’s doing it for you because she’s your mother. #nobb no more babying, no more bullshit, no more gaslighting, no more guilt trips. Emotional abuse is real, as is trauma. Motherhood is not an excuse. For every 125 men, […]
The end goal is to live isn’t it. What if you don’t actually want to live. Not depressed. Just depleted of will or energy to justify all this meaningless purpose. Let me go, without blame or shame? Leave me some of that “dignity”? Don’t let me become an excuse for your nothingness? Please?
The general population is much more informed about mental illness nowadays compared to ten years ago, but is the awareness counterproductive? (Written February 3, 2019) For example, many say they are depressed and it is so commonplace that there are countless support lines and communities for it. But it seems as though this results in […]
I’m all for awareness and understanding but I can’t help but feel like this comes off as playing victim and painting the afflicted as weak and helpless – but that may be the denial in me. However, I would like to see it as my determination to retain responsibility and hence control – by being […]