All content is for individual viewing purposes only and not to be redistributed or used for any other purposes. Please understand the implications of the risks I am taking in order to share this side of me with you – it is a leap of faith I am taking. I know once it’s out it […]
This blog contains mature content and themes of depression and mental illness. 18 +, viewer discretion is advised.
I’d like to think that that is a rather precise and accurate description of how I spend most of my time.
In lieu of the long overdue and owed pile of content held back by indecisiveness… I have decided to “release” raw unadulterated previews of the albums that have piled up – whilst I hastily execute the decision to segregate the nsfw alter ego from the pseudo writer and once again abandon the unrealistic yearning for […]
May 27, 2019: I don’t know why it took so long for me to let this go, (I can probably blabber on again if I start) but I’d just like to apologise for any terrible grammar etc, I’ve decided to stop scrutinising and just finally post this. I write. I write, I write – and […]
Nudes. Sex. Porn. Free. These words easily grab our attention, don’t they? You probably figured out by now. I lied. I’m sorry. I’ve been AWOL in terms of media and I truly did not do this on purpose – I have been (as you probably figured out too) “dealing” with issues. (Again. Yeah. I’m tired of […]
It is liberating to be able to cry unconfined by judgement, scrutiny or empathy. It should be encouraged; for one to be truly in touch with them-self. To be not only in touch with subconscious desires, thoughts and drives – but also emotions. To be able & willing to acknowledge them ; to be consciously […]
Sorry for the impromptu inactivity, instead of weaning off my medication I had (foolishly) decided to go cold turkey (again). Needless to say, that was a bad idea. I’m beginning to wonder if this was the cause of all of this, considering the timing, intensity and nature of my struggles which can actually be explained […]
Another year. Birthdays. Fucking hate them.
DISCLAIMER: This image is a means of expression and is NOT an accurate, realistic or healthy portrayal of human anatomy. Please see the end of the post for the before/after. I DO NOT promote or advocate unhealthy body images, and have gained much weight since then. I’m sorry if you were upset by the images […]
I have a profound sense of admiration for women who can express their sexuality and individuality with class and personality – like @devilette, @nymphae.uk, @yusara_circus and @creepyyeha amongst countless others. They possess what I hopelessly yet ambivalently long and strive for, and much more. Of these 10 years, what little recollection that I have of […]
No reason is acceptable; No exceptions are applicable; No excuses are viable. She needs help.. this is not just disgraceful it’s borderline downright pitiful how can we get her back You have until the end of the month. The end of the month is the hard deadline, no excuses – this has been gone too […]
And I have still been experiencing depersonalisation and derealisation. Funnily enough, things actually become more intense and vivid sporadically. Colours are of higher lucidity and edges are sharper and not as flat as the prior envisioned perceptions that were almost 2d. However the blanket of fear remains the constant between the two, it presses jutting […]
02:53-04:09 Entry 1 02:53-04:09 Entry 1 — Read on obsoulette.wordpress.com/2019/02/27/entry1/ I just found this “manuscript” on a site under the name obsoulette. I dare not read it. As of right now I’m trembling, frozen in place. They are shouting, yet there are no words. Shut up. Please. I beg you. Shut up.
I’ve been “ejected”. From my “body”. Even as “I” am typing this. It startled me. Frightens me. Hell I’m fucking terrified. I remember there was a time when this feeling when comforting. When it was the norm, my “default”. But now, it is no longer a comfortable blasé or nonchalant detachment – it is a […]
I will be 23. That’s proposterous. How can one be a number. I’ll be 23 years of age, as in I would’ve breath and suffocated in the toxic atmosphere of society for 23 years of 365.25 days, a little under 8401 days. When you put it that way, it doesn’t seem long at all. If […]
03:55 The vanity she refuses to acknowledge she has surfaced but we’ve come to a compromise for the site icon and didn’t choose one with her as the subject. Eh, we’ll do it later. I’m having way too much fun and I don’t want to go but I really should , she needs to call […]
Own up to your choices Own up to your decisions Stop using others as a reason for your decisions Your intentions are yours and yours alone. – 13:24 | 08. 03. 2019 – I buy you food because I like seeing you satisfied after a good meal and it makes me feel happy knowing I […]
March 7, 2019 I’m grateful for the stash of instant noodles in my cupboards and the luxury of having a roof over my head with heat, electricity and Internet access – but apart from this all else is falling apart. I am struggling to maintain my fading grasp on will and consciousness. As of recently […]
Please, don’t message me with any of the following: “How are you?” “How have you been?” “Are you feeling better?” I know you mean well, and I appreciate it, but please understand that I value honesty and integrity, in the name of respect for you and for me. When you ask such things you are […]
visualise my life contained in a series of layers in time, like a Russian doll; each layer marking a point in my life where a particular feeling was very strong, such as an experience of family loss, betrayal or feeling alone. The layers go deeper, backwards in time until finally at the point of birth where […]